


A Fateful Wander

by Chaotic_Dreamer



Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M, HitsuKarinDay 2020, Hurt and comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, sad feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:54:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26223715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaotic_Dreamer/pseuds/Chaotic_Dreamer
Summary: A butterfly appeared through the light and she looked up at it surprised, she didn’t expect to see a butterfly here, it was the first thing, other than the people, ghosts, around her. It was turquoise in colour with white tips on its wings and oddly cold but familiar presence. It landed on her outstretched finger and she shivered slightly, it felt cold to touch as well. The butterfly fluttered it's wings before lifting off again and returning back into the light and although no communication had passed between them she knew she was expected to follow.
Relationships: Hitsugaya Toushirou/Kurosaki Karin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	A Fateful Wander

She had no idea where she was, or even who she was, her mind a haze as she walked, the path in front of her as foggy as her memories. There were flashes of images, of shadows that dominated those memories, but non were sharp enough to actually become fully formed memories and still, she walked. She wondered if she’d be walking until she remembered if she was supposed to just wander aimlessly around. Were people looking for her, family friends, significant others? She knew there must have been some of them, but she couldn’t remember who they were or their names. She couldn’t even remember her name. The was something missing, a hole in her heart, a missing piece that would answer all her questions. The more she walked to find these answers, the more she realised she wasn’t alone. There were others walking with her, some disappearing in a flash of light others walking next to her. No-one spoke, it was a sort of content silence, everyone just accepting of who they were and where they were going. She had questions though, where were they, where were they going, what was this strange sensation at the base of her navel almost guiding her through the fog?

It felt like days, but it could have easily been a couple of minutes and finally, there was a light piercing through the fog, it wasn't straight ahead like she imagined it to be, more off to the side and not everyone was heading towards it. Curious she walked towards it, the pulling sensation intensifying as she moved closer to the light. Nobody else was crossing over with her, and she paused, confused, regarding the light. What would happen when she walked into the light? Although she didn't know where she was, there was a sort of comfort to it. She wasn't hungry or cold or warm or even tired. She was content. Would that change when she stepped into the light?

A butterfly appeared through the light and she looked up at it surprised, she didn’t expect to see a butterfly here, it was the first thing, other than the people, ghosts even, around her. It was turquoise in colour with white tips on its wings and oddly cold but familiar presence. It landed on her outstretched finger and she shivered slightly, it felt cold to touch as well. The butterfly fluttered its wings before lifting off again and returning into the light and although no communication had passed between them she knew she was expected to follow.

~*~

Taking a deep breath she stepped forward and allowed the light to engulf her.  
The first thing she thought when the light subsided, was that she wanted to go back. The was no feeling in the place between, but now she was cold, the yukata she was wearing threadbare and a little small, her feet bare and a little bruised. She felt loved in the place between, now she just felt alone. Lost and alone. 

This time when she walked around she did get tired, she got hungry as well and found herself scrounging around for whatever morsel she could find. She still didn’t have a name, but if people asked her she would say it was Karin. Karin, it was a nice name, a summery name, she liked summer, or more acurately, she liked the warmth. Wherever she was right now wasn’t very warm and some nights she could couldn’t sleep for how cold it could get.

A full moon cycled had passed since she’d stepped through the light into the world, a world she now knew as Soul Society. A place where souls waited before being released into the cycle to be reborn again back in the world of the living. She’d arrived in the forty-seventh district of Southern Rukongai and whilst she had found a little place to call her own, sharing with five other souls, she still felt the continued pull that there was something, someone out there calling for her, looking for her.

Soul Society was a vast place, the Rukongai alone spanning three-hundred and twenty districts in the four cardinal points of a compass. In the center, was the Seireitei, a place of hopes and dreams, where people wore shoes and got a salary and although she didn’t know for certain, she was fairly positive the tugging sensation was leading her there.

Six moon cycles and finally she stood at the walls of the mythical place called the Seireitei, she’d been warned that if she got too close the walls would close, the place in lockdown so she stood on the border, where the dirt path turned to one of stone, watching as uniformed souls drifted in and out. A few regarded her curiously, but as she was neither on the wrong side of the invisible border or looked like a threat, they mostly ignored her.

But still the, tugging sensation pulled, and she longed to wander the streets beyond the wall, she just knew there was someone there who knew her, who could fill the empty hole in her heart, to complete her.

  
~*~

Shinōreijutsuin, it turned out, was a way to get her past the walls and into the city of dreams. Passing the entrance exam had been surprisingly easy, her Spiritual Power alone, enough to get her into the advance class and on an accelerated course of study. Despite the classes and the study, the communing with her soul to release her Zanpakuto there was still something missing. Her Zanpaukto, Kagetsu, swore that she would find what she was looking for beyond the walls, that it was connected to her past, but only she could find out what it was. Needless to say, she didn’t like her Zanpakuto very much, especially with her unhelpful answers.

She graduated within two years, and was assigned a seated position in the Tenth Division. A symbolism of sorts that made her Zanpakuto snort yet deigned to provide any insight into why. The Lieutenant of her new Division, a busty blonde who looked at her as if she knew her picked her and three others assigned to the Tenth Division and escorted them to their new home. They were shown to their dorm rooms within the barracks. It was a simple room, much like the one she’d left behind at the academy, her new dorm companion wasn’t in, and was instead working.

They were given an hour to unpack their belongings and meeting back out in the courtyard before being taken to meet their new captain. She didn’t have that many belongings to unpack, a few trinkets she’d picked up during her time in the Rukongai, the Yukata she arrived wearing and the Shihakushō she’d been given upon her graduation and acceptance in to the Tenth. Instead, she took stock of her surroundings and walked around. The pulling sensation was stronger now she was finally within the walls, almost tugging her, like it was excited to be reunited with the one the other end of the thread. She wished she could follow it now, close her eyes and just walk but something told her to stay put, that she’d walked enough looking for the end of the thread, that it was time for the other end to come to her.

She met her Liuetant and the other graduates again, and still the woman looked at her as if she knew her. She felt a familiar sensation when she looked at her Lieutenant as well, that maybe perhaps they had met once upon a time but she couldn’t pinpoint where or how or even when. In the end the other woman had shaken her head and led them to an office in the main building that also housed the mess and all the other officers as well as a couple of common rooms for casual breaks.

The woman knocked on the door of an office that gave off a rather chilly air, and she couldn’t help the shiver as they crossed the threshold and stood three abreast to face their new captain. The tugging sensation was back, although now it felt like butterflies, the air and the precense of the man infront of them was impressive and familar and when he finally turned she gasped and let out a small murmer of a name.

“Tōshirō.”

All at once she remembered everything, who she was, what she’d left behind and the boy, no man in front of her. She was Kurosaki Karin, daughter of Kurosaki Isshin, no Shiba Isshin, former captain of the very division she was standing in. Before her was Hitsugaya Tōshirō, the current captain of the Tenth Division, a childhood friend, her first crush and the man who had saved her life on more than one occassion, yet hadn’t been there to save her when it mattered. She had a brother and a twin sister. Her brother was a Shinigami just like she was, mostly retired and married with a kid. Her sister, was blessed with an almost normal life, her own spiritual power not strong enough to see what she and her brother had to endure. As all the thoughts and feelings of her past rushed through her, she felt a little overwhelmed, her cheeks wet and raising her hand she realised she was crying and she tried to wipe them away. 

Captain Hitsugaya finished his speech and her fellow graduates bowed, she herself realising and joining them in a haphazard bend at the waist. They were dismissed and the other two left, following the Lieutenant out of the office and leaving her alone with the Captain.

What would she say? What could she say? She remembered everything, but most of all she remembered the pain and longing of finding out that she and Tōshirō could never be. He was a soul, never ageing, never growing, cursed to watch her grow old without him. She was a human, cursed to grow old and love but not be loved in return. She regarded him as he walked around his office, he hadn’t noticed she was still there, silent and watching. He was so much older than he’d been when they were kids. In the world of the living not much time had passed at all, she’d turned twenty-seven before she’d passed, the memory of them as children still fresh in her mind. Now, this man before her, wasn’t the Tōshirō she knew, but the pulling sensation and her feelings to her it was him. He’d matured, not just in age, but in power as well. She’d learned a lot at the academy, of how to sense someone’s spiritual pressure and how strong it made them. Something she subconsciously did as a human, but now knew the theory to really put the skill to practise. The man before her, was stronger, but he was also upset, there was a shroud of cold spiritual pressure covering him, shielding him from his true feelings and she longed to reach out and touch him, not only to reassure him but to prove that he was actually real and this wasn’t her mind playing tricks on her.

He finally noticed she was still standing there, hands by her side, staring at him, and she blinked with a blush, his turqiouse eyes widening.

“Karin...” the name on his lips wasn’t like how anyone else addressed her, that was before she knew what her name was, Karin had just been a name she’d picked out of thin air and called herself. No, Toshiro was calling her real name, the name her parents gave her when she was born and it sounded just perfect, the way his lips formed the syllables, the way his eyes lit up when he saw who she was. The way the cold shroud around him dissipated and he stepped forward arms outstretched before he stopped and dropped his hands, a sense of guilt appearing on his face.

She shook her head. She knew what he was thinking, that the last time they had met he had said they couldn’t be together, that she had to live her life and forget about him. She’d tried, she’d found someone to love and be loved in return but it hadn’t been the same. It didn’t fill the hole that he’d left behind. She swallowed, words forming on the tip of her tongue but she couldn’t muster the courage to speak them. She bit her bottom lip gently, hands limply by her side as she watched him. He’d started pacing now, his eyes flickering over to a small picture frame on his desk, a quick glance showing her it was off them, after one of the football games she’d convinced him to play in. They’d one that one, they’d one every one Tōshirō had played in and the picture was just of them two, arms slung over each other’s shoulders congratulating each other.

“I tried to looking for you...” his voice was quiet, turqiouse eyes filled with water as he looked at her. “The moment I heard I looked for you but..” he trailed off his voice breaking.

Karin didn’t know what to say, so she stayed quiet, watching him with her brown eyes as he resumed his pacing. 

“I’m sorry...” he swollowed. “Look if you want a transfer, considering the circumstances, it will be allowed without waiting the six months probabtion period. Anyone one the Divisions would be grateful to have you... expect maybe twelfth... actually don’t go to twelfth...”

“I don’t want a transfer...” her voice was hushed, unsure of why she was whispering, but it was true she didn’t want a transfer. The Tenth Division was her father’s old division, it was almost fitting in a way that she would end up here. “I don’t blame you,” he looked at her and she ploughed on, old memories still fresh in her mind as if they had only been made yesterday and she drew from those emotions to speak from her heart. “I was upset when you left, but what fifteen year old wouldn’t. Even then I could see that you weren’t changing and I was. I lived, like you told me to, I went to college, I got a job, I almost got married, but he left me at the alter...” she chuckled at the memory. “Cold feet.” Tōshirō cracked a smile at the irony and the butterflies in Karin’s stomach started up again. “If me being here makes you uncomfortable then I’ll transfer, but I’d rather not. The whole time I’ve been here I’ve been following this feeling in my stomach, almost like a pulling sensation. Everything I’ve done has led me to you and I don’t think that’s a coincidence.”

“A pulling sensation...” Tōshirō placed a hand over his stomach and sat down, his face thoughtful. “Did you...” he paused. “Did you ever see a turquiose butterfly...”

“With white wing tips?” Karin finished and Tōshirō looked at her surprised. She took a seat next to him. “It gave me the courage to come through the light. Without it, I probably would have still be wandering in the place between worlds. Was that you?”

He smiled, a look of relief passing over his face as he nodded. The aura of guilt he’d been emitting, replaced with something Karin couldn’t quite make out. “I’m glad your safe, your family will be glad your safe. Ichigo looked for you as well, even your father came back to Soul Society to look for you, they wanted to make sure you were cared for, introduce you to the family you have here.”

Karin sniffed, and wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her kosode. Hearing that her father and brother had been looking for her gave her a sense of longing for them, for so long she hadn’t remembered who they were, but now with her memories intact, it was emotional to hear.

A cold hand was placed over hers. “We’ll call them, they’ll be glad to hear from you,” Karin nodded, she’d like that. 

They sat together for a while, his hand unmoving from hers and she flipped it, palm against palm and he curled his fingers around hers. Outside the sounds of the Division moved on without them, inside it was just them, locked in their own memories, reveling in the comfort of each other. Finally Tōshirō sighed and unlinked their hands. Karin looked over at him before looking down at her hand.

“I have to work, we have to work,” it made sense and although Karin didn’t want to leave, she understood that they had to. She rose, and bowed and he nodded his head at her. 

Karin wanted to say something else, wanted him to say something, but she didn’t know what, so instead she turned and headed for the door, her hand on the the door handle.

“Karin...” she turned. “Dinner? Tonight, we can talk.”

She nodded but didn’t turn around, and instead slid open the door and stepped through closing it behind her and resting against it. Hands to her heart as she slide down, tears falling freely down her cheeks. Dinner, it was said with no promise attached, no hope, but it was something and Karin grabbed onto that feeling and never let it go.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for HitsuKarin Day 2020, no prompt but just a little something I was inspired to write, although this turned out with 10x more emotion than I intended I'm still rather proud of it.
> 
> A side note, Kagetsu, Karin's Zanpakuto, hopefully, translates to Summer Moon. Taking the "Gestu" from both her brother's and father's Zanpaukyo and the "Ka" from her name. 
> 
> Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!


End file.
